The United States Men’s National Team is officially winning the 2026 World Cup.
Please do not fact-check this article.
After one match, Mauricio Pochettino’s squad stormed out of the gates and hammered Paraguay 4-1. Meanwhile, supposed European powerhouses Spain and Portugal spent the opening week of the tournament drawing Cape Verde and DR Congo.
The math is simple.
USA beats Paraguay by three goals.
Spain can’t score against Cape Verde.
Portugal can’t beat DR Congo.
Therefore, the United States is better than Spain and Portugal.
We don’t make the rules.
Suddenly, those wildly optimistic To Dream advertisements showing the USMNT lifting the World Cup trophy don’t seem so ridiculous. In fact, they may have been underselling this team. Why stop at winning the World Cup? Let’s start planning the parade route.
Again, nobody should overreact.
But if we’re overreacting, let’s do it properly.
The Americans looked sharp. They looked confident. Most importantly, they looked like a team that actually showed up for its opener. That’s more than can be said for Spain, which somehow turned Cape Verde goalkeeper highlights into a full-time job, or Portugal, which apparently thought DR Congo would just hand them three points out of respect for Cristiano Ronaldo’s Wikipedia page.
Speaking of Ronaldo, the 41-year-old legend may have finally entered the “remember when” phase of his career. Portugal needed a hero Wednesday. Instead, they got a draw.
Meanwhile, Pochettino and the boys are sitting pretty after Matchday 1.
Of course, it’s only one game. There are still plenty of opportunities for reality to arrive and ruin everyone’s fun. The World Cup has a way of humbling teams that start reading their own headlines.
But through one match?
The USMNT has looked like a contender.
Spain has looked frustrated.
Portugal has looked ordinary.
And America has looked… dare we say it?
Back.
World Cup champions? Probably not.
World Cup champions after one game? Absolutely.
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